he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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