final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Welp...herpes.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
