I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize