i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
