nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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