Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
