I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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