cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
