Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
