He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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