Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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