Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
