if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
