her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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