This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Alive.
So much puke
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize