you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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