kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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