Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
