He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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