I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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