Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
