My liver just broke up with me...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
