She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
