Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
