why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
