a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
