I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
