$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Did we literally take a cab across the street
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
