I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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