Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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