She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
