Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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