I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm passing your future prison.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
