I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
