cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
