Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
