Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
