hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
