i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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