Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
