i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We smell like vodka and hangover
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