so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
