C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize