it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
