A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
