If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm always down for nudity.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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