Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
