Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I should be sponsored by Trojan
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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