I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
