I forgot how hot balto sounded
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize