WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize