Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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