Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Found the puke drawer
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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