apparently the secret to your success is patron
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
