Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize