I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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