You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
