Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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