i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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