If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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