my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
