There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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