There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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