Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
