2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize