just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
