dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
