your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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