i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize