Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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