Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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