You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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