I wish I could teleport
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
