would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
