he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
