i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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