Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
