the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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