I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
