It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
