the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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