I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
