If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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