listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
