we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
