so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
