thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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