I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
