I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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