It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i dont even know how to be here
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
