Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
