Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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