i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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