and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
