i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
